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While someone can do things because they want to do them, they
can also do things because they want approval. When this happens, one is
going to be focused on what other people think of them.
If this
is something that takes place from time to time, it might not have a
negative effect on their life. Yet, if this is something that takes
place on a regular basis, it is going to cause someone to disconnect
from themselves.
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Point Of Focus
Their point of focus will be
on others, and this can then set them up to overlook their own needs.
However, all the time they have such a high need for approval, they are
not going to be thinking about what is taking place within them..
During
the moments when they get approval, they might be able to feel good
about themselves. But no matter how good they feel, it might not be
enough for them to experience a sense of fulfilment.
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Short Term Solution
When
someone looks for approval from others, it is generally going to mean
that they need to receive it all the time. It won't be enough for them
to receive it on the odd occasions, and this is because it won't last.
Once
they have received approval from others, they may find that it soon
wears off. What this can show is that it is not possible for them to
internalise the feedback that they are receiving from others.
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Playing a Role
One
reason why it is not possible for them to internalise what they receive
can be because they are playing a role. What this means is that their
'true self' is being covered up and their 'false self' has taken over.
Therefore,
although one is receiving approval, it is not going to be for the
person they are; it will be for the role they are playing. If one was
able to let go off their need to play a role and was able to embrace
their true self, their need for approval would diminish.
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Self-approval
When
this happens, one will be their own best friend as opposed to their own
worst enemy. And while their need for approval won't disappear, it
won't end up controlling their life.
What this will show is that
they are an interdependent human being and not a dependent human being.
They will be able to approve of themselves as well as receive approval
from others, and the approval they provide themselves will be what
matters to them.
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True Self
There will be some people who
always been in touch with their true self and then there will be others
who have developed this connection as an adult. To get in touch with
one's true self as an adult may have taken hard work and commitment.
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This
could have been a time where they had to face the emotional pain that
was within them, and this wouldn't have been easy. Yet, through grieving
their unmet childhood needs and through being affirmed for who they
are, they would have gradually been able to let go of their false self.
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Doing the Same Thing
However,
even though some people will let go of their false self (and their
compulsive need for approval at the same time), there will be others who
will continue to act in the same ways. In the past, one would have been
able to receive approval through what they did around others.
But
this has all changed, and one no longer needs to be around others in
order to receive approval. In today's world, the only thing someone
needs to do in order to receive approval from others is to use social
media.
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Signs of Approval
As a result of this, there is no
need for them to go into the 'real world'; they simply need a device
that supports social media. one can the share a picture, status, or a
video, and see how many 'likes' or 'retweets' they get.
If what
they share receives a certain amount of 'likes' or 'retweets', they may
believe that other people approve of them. The feedback they have
received from others has then given them permission to feel good about
themselves.
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Caught Up
This can then set one up to be in a
position where the responses they receive on social media define how
they feel. If their 'friends' and 'followers' give them the feedback
they desire, it is not going to be a problem
However, when they
don't get the kind of responses they need to feel good about themselves,
it is going to cause them to suffer. One's wellbeing is then in the
hands of others, and they can end up being addicted to receiving
positive responses from others.
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Two Experiences
The positive
responses from others will allow them to feel good themselves, whereas,
when they don't receive these responses they will feel bad about
themselves. Based on this, it is easy to see why someone could end up in
a position where they are addicted to receiving approval from people on
social media.
When someone ends up being addicted to drugs,
alcohol, or to working out, it is because of how they feel without these
things. If they felt different to begin with, they wouldn't have the
need to be addicted to them.
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Conclusion
What this shows is
that while it would be easy to blame social media, it is also important
to look into why someone would end up in the position they are in. For
example, if someone doesn't accept themselves to begin with, it is going
to be easier for them to be caught up in how other people respond to
them on social media.
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In this sense, it could be said that social
media is just another way for someone to avoid how they feel. If someone
is unable to accept themselves, it might be important for them to seek
external assistance.
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Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails
from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers
all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and
inner awareness. With over seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting
human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound
advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and
"Communication Made Easy."
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